Three Common Mistakes Made by Loving Parents

Probably the most contentious aspect of Family Law and Divorce is when the parties just do not agree on how to split up their children.  You cannot replace a day with your son or daughter with a check.  There is no yardstick, scale, or accounting chart to quantify or qualify the value of time with someone you love.  Unfortunately, these immeasurable issues often lead to absolute positions taken by the parties; the absolute positions are not amenable to settlement; and a great deal of litigation follows.  The stereotype of parents placing their children right in the middle of the litigation battlefield came to be a stereotype exactly because it happens so often. 

Because it is both inevitable and practically axiomatic that two persons who cannot agree on much of anything else will not agree on how to split up the time they spend with their children, a good Divorce Attorney will advise their client on how to go about resolving these issues efficiently and in a manner most likely to achieve a good result.  Of course, if you can reach an agreement with the other parent you will save substantially on both legal fees and on the emotional stresses caused by litigation and all its uncertainties.  Nevertheless, if you really cannot agree to the other parties’ tyrannical demands, then you should strive to avoid the three common mistakes described below:

WRONG FOCUS:  The Courts in California are required in child custody and visitation matters to consider the best interests of the minor child(ren).  Somehow, time and again, parties start off by focusing their declarations and testimony to the Court on what is best for the parties, and often forget to even mention what is best for the child(ren).  Certainly, it is relevant to tell the Court about your work schedule and how far you have to drive to deliver your child(ren) to school, but are you telling the Court about what is best for your child(ren) or what is most convenient for you?  The results of not telling the evaluator or the Court about what is best for the child(ren) include, but are not limited to, leaving these decision makers with the impression that the party is fighting for what is best for them, not what is best for the child(ren).  The results of not focusing on the child(ren) are usually very poor, and a good Divorce Attorney will assist their client to bring the focus back to the best interests of the minor child(ren).

NEGATIVITY:  The Courts in California and the evaluators who work with those Courts have, unfortunately, already been so inundated with stories about how parents are failing to be good parents that these stories often fall on deaf ears.  Worse by far is the problem that by starting with a negative theme a party can cause the evaluator and/or Court to tune them out altogether.  Few things are as frustrating as to realize that you are fighting for what matters the most to you, time with your child(ren), but the people who will make the decisions are not even listening to what you have to say.

Probably the absolute worst thing about starting off with a negative theme is the missed opportunity.  There usually is something positive that a party can say about how they have something great to offer their child(ren), and by stating those great points, up front, they can usually cause the evaluator and the Court to open up their ears, the opposite effect of starting out negatively.  If you are actually being listened to, then you will find that the results are usually pretty good.

Of course, a good Divorce Attorney knows that there is an exception to every rule, and that there may be a time and place to inform the evaluator and the Court of all those bad habits and negative issues with the other party.  Figuring out how to tell the story is exactly why you should seek the services of a good Divorce Attorney.

DISORGANIZATION:  The Courts in California and the evaluators who work with them are heavily burdened with child custody and visitation issues.  Tight budgets, low staffing levels, and the unreasonable nature of the party who was heard by the Court just before you mean that it can be critical that you say the really important things clearly, and in an organized fashion. A 20 page declaration probably will not have all 20 pages read.  Sometimes life actually is unfair, and just because you know that there is nothing more important than your child(ren) does not mean that the Court starts out knowing that basic, undeniable truth.  A good Divorce Attorney will help you craft and organize your story so that the Court will be much more likely to hear your requests for child custody and child visitation.

At the Law Offices of Thomas Chase Stutzman, A Professional Corporation we strive to avoid these three common mistakes when crafting and tailoring your story for maximum effect.  Of course, we are familiar with various particular legal rules that might affect the basic best interest analysis (i.e. separating the children is disfavored, SEE In re Marriage of Williams (2001) 88 Cal. App. 4th 808, 814; a change of circumstances may be needed before a change in custody, SEE  Montenegro v. Diaz (2001) 26 Cal.4th 249; Burchard v. Garay (1986) 42 Cal.3d 531) and we will advise you regarding the rules effects, but in the end, it will come down to telling your story in a way that gets heard.  That is what we do.